Tag Archives: Life

Sex in the Garden City

Well a lot has been happening since my last post and boy how things have changed.

To summarise, I last left of with Beardy, who in true form turned out to be another Houdini, totally vanished of the face of the earth. No bothered. Went on another date with some other guy which went well but wasn’t feeling it and now for the biggie! KIC turned into my own Mr. Big.  Yeah, I cant quite believe it either. I’m not even too sure how it happened really. One day he just opened up. As you may or may not know I left my party on NYE to go and see him. Well after I left him in the street i didn’t hear from him for a while and got a bit worried as he doesn’t know my town so I messaged the 2 Jamie’s, I got talking to the one he wasn’t with the next day just a few polite responses and idle chit chat. Or so I thought. Turns out the Jamie went back and said something to Big that changed his mind about us.

He wants the full shabang. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks ago and I am yet to give him an answer. After everything that we he has put me through I believe that my reasons for holding out are valid. I mean, Self preservation is my number one priority here. He understands and is being patient but after over a year of on again off again i think he can wait just a little bit longer.

When I told Kate all of this she wasn’t happy at all, I know i gave her permission to slap me but I’m glad she didnt. I was sat in her car when i told her so it would have been one hell of a slap if she did. She’s warming up to the idea now i believe, she said to me the other day, “You’ll be together soon”

I don’t know if we will though, The whole time I have known him he has been trying to get into the MRP which I have supported him through, even though I am not keen on the idea at all. I will continue to support him, and he has made it clear that he still wants to commit to us when he goes in. Well what has he got to loose. Nothing. I’ve done the whole boyfriend in the forces before and I got bombarded with paranoid emails, family members checking up on me and a whole heap of worry that I could have done without whenever he got deployed somewhere. That’s a whole other story though.

Back to Big. I was working valentines day and then had arrangements in Brighton that weekend so I didn’t see him. The following week we went into London for the day. His treat (we’ve always gone dutch before). we went for lunch and also went to the The London Dungeons and also we had a night time ride on the The London Eye, It was the best Valentines day i had ever had.

We have been spending lots of time together lately and he practically is my boyfriend, I mean he drove me to an interview for uni and he waited all day in his car for me to finish. I guess all of this stuff is normal but I’m starting to see that I have never really had this sort of relationship before. We have been through so much and we aren’t even together yet.

Anyway, just thought I’d update you on the big stuff.


Just too busy

Literally! This is just a quick one to say that I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had a second to relax let alone type anything that would make sense! Although being busy is giving me plenty of blogging gold!

As I speak me and Kate are on our way to a date, my role fluffer-buffer* (I’ll explain this at a later date!)

We are all dolled up and ready to go! Kate is a nervous dater so there’s a hint for you!

News to come:

Standing alone
Why do you only call me when your high?!

And Dancing like no body’s watching!

Come back soon, I promise you won’t be disappointed!

Xoxo


Something New

So as you know I’ve been on a dating site and had a date planned for last Sunday. It’s been a very busy week as I have been working and had 2 assignments to complete as I’m going on holiday tomorrow.

The date went very well, we went out for a delicious Sunday lunch, Michelin Star restaurant may I add, and we had a wonderful time. Before we went out I had already decided to limit myself to two glasses of wine maximum! I don’t know wether it was the excitement or what but I only needed one! We spent a good few hours together, and he had driven for an hour and a half to get to me, so I’m glad we got on, otherwise it could have been hell!

Anyway, we had a good chat and we both made our intentions clear, we are both looking for more than a quick hook up, which is good, as I made it clear that I would not be rushing into anything, especially after the mystery man! After that was all cleared up, he came to mine and we watched a DVD. You may think that was a bit risky as we had only just met, but I didn’t think he was a psycho, well, not crazier than me anyway. We had a great evening and then I saw him again today.

He came over and we went out for lunch. He also ended up meeting one of my best friends and my housemate.

He’s not my usual type of guy, he’s well spoken, dresses nicely, and educated, it makes a nice change to the guys I have dated in the past, intelligent but too geeky, handsome but not smart enough to hold a decent conversation or just a plain old a**hole

Over lunch we where planning our next date, looking forward to it though!

Keeping this short as I have a plane to catch in the morning


What’s Happened to Romance???

It seems to me that guys have got lazy and girls have got easy to suit, or is it the other way around? Girls have got easy so guys have are now lazy because they don’t have to work for it anymore! why would you work hard for what you really wanted if someone a few doors down is practically giving it away? Now, if a girl doesn’t give it up right away she is labelled “frigid” or she is playing hard to get, not worth the hassle, a “tease” that sort of thing! Its ridiculous!

Back in the day when my Grandad courted my Nan, they went to wartime dances, he walked her the 5 miles home and didn’t complain about the long walk, or walk her half way home then leave her to walk the rest of the way. If my Grandad had done that then my Nan’s brothers would have gone out and shown him what for! Growing up I remember them always being together, my Grandad was quite moody, he was the Grumpy Grandad, but in photos of them growing together they both had a sparkle in their eyes. They where married for a long time, until my Nan passed away in 1996.

They had a typical relationship of that time, when my nan died, My mum had to teach my Grandad how to cook, and my Nan’s older sister used to help him with house work. He had depended on her their whole relationship and he knew it, But he loved her and respected her for who she was and what she did for him. My Grandad worked hard to provide the family with a home, and my Nan looked after it, as well as having her own job, earning her own money until she was 61!

Men need to start realising that if they want something good, then they are going to have to start working for it! You don’t get a nice house or car if you don’t go to work, So why should they be able to get a nice girl, who is going to look after them for the rest of their life if they aren’t prepared to work for that to?

I know now that times have changed, and there are career woman, and house husbands, But I still feel like guys these days are expecting too much too soon. Is is that girls these days are more concerned with being labelled frigid or hard to get, then being called easy or a slut, slag or even worse a whore-bag! I know what I would prefer any day of the week!!

Girls need to start standing up to these lazy ass guys, and show have some self respect, get some understanding of their worth and power. We seem to forget that we have the control in life, we say yes or no, we decide if the guy is worthy of us. Why are we letting so many sleazy guys get their own way? 9 times out of 10 they aren’t even worth a second date, let alone our bodies. So why do we put up with it? Fear of being alone, left on the shelf? Feeling like we don’t deserve better? Well if we carry on the way we are going then we don’t.

If we are looking for the one that deserves us, that we are going to spend our lives with then don’t we want to be sure that they are worth it? I’m going to make them work for it.

I’m a prize that has to be won, I am worth more than a guy taking me to Nandos one time and on the second date expecting more than what’s on offer, Sorry mate but I’m worth more than 1/4 of a chicken with spicy rice and free refills! Got to work harder than that!

I want wining and dining, a bit of romancing I’m sure will go a long way seeing as these days no one does it anymore! Don’t take this as I’m saying I want a guy to come along and feel like he has to pay for everything, I’m more than willing to pay my own way but the thought of a bit of romance would be nice. Thank You Please!

From now on I am going to make a point of working out if he is worth it. I made my last mistake with My Mystery Man, and that isn’t happening again!!

Please ladies and gents, girls and guys! Realise that we are all someone’s prize. We don’t have to make it easy for them. Maybe if people worked harder at the start of their relationship they would be more prepared to work harder for it when things get tough, and I know that I only plan on getting married once in this lifetime, I want to know that my future husband will fight for me and our relationship when the time comes.

Go and play…. hard to get…. but make sure they know the prize is worth it and your not just playing games!

On my final note…. WHO RUNS THE WORLD??


Too high in the tree?

So I know I have only been on my dating site of choice for a short while, I’m talking to a few guys, with dates in planning, and 2 re-schedules, but how much activity should you be getting?

I’m not blowing my own trumpet but I’m far from ugly, I’m not the prettiest girl out there, or all fake looking, but some of the guys that I am attracting make me think, “Really?” either they are trying their luck and punching above their weight, or I am not as pretty as I thought. I am a nice girl, I have interests and hobbies, I work hard, I’m educated and I enjoy art and culture.

Here is a snippet from my profile…

“I like to travel to different places, from getting the train to London to see an exhibition or going off exploring the countryside on my bike or walking around English heritage sites. I also like the usual, going out with my friends, pubs, clubs and dining, or saying in relaxing, watching films, having marathon film days with with snacks, Going on random car journeys to the coast, exploring weird places… Lots of things really!”

I also write about the books and types of music that I like. How much is too much information? Do guys actually want to know this? Am I putting them off with an overload of information? Is it intimidating?

I’m honest in my profile, and I say what I am looking for, but going back to my post The Online Dating Rulebook? Should I be holding back on some things that I have included? On my profile I have the following… Is it to much?

“I like to think that I’m a fun and active person, but I wont lie, I’m not perky all the time. I love my friends and family, I’m settling into a new area, and I am happy in my day to day life, I’m not looking for a relationship that will become my life, I want one that will enhance it. I’m independent and I am a friendly and caring girl. If you want to know more, and get to know me better and think you could enhance my life then message me.”

I have a variety of photos on my profile, and I have to admit, they are some good ones of me looking fabulous, but aren’t everyone’s in this situation.

I get plenty of messages from all sorts of guys, a mixture of “AVERAGE” looking guys and of what I think are your typical looking HOT guys looking at my profile,The guys I would say are “Average” message me and some of them are really great, but the HOT guys just have a look and then that’s as far as it goes. I have messaged a few of the hot guys and had no reply, so they liked what they saw, but  then something I said has put them off?

Or is it like this? I read something on one guys profile, he said that girls are like apples… I cant remember the exact words but it was something like this..

“Girls are like apples, The best ones are at the top of the tree and hard to reach, so the guys who pick them are scared to climb too high to get them in case they fall and end up getting hurt, so they go for the apples lower down, the rotten apples.” Is this the case do you think? I quite often see a great guy with a girl that I wouldn’t naturally put them with, and yeah I get a bit bitchy or the other way around, and I’m like Seriously, I’m nicer than her right?

Where am I going wrong? Its not all about looks, I know that, I’ve had a few experiences with guys that at the time I considered them to be, handsome, beautiful or amazing, but they have turned into frogs quite quickly killing my confidence. But seriously, I have a nice body, a nice face, and a great personality, I don’t want some over weight, middle aged, balding man messaging me, expecting me to take him seriously.

I don’t have a type and I wouldn’t rule anything out but obviously there are people that I find more attractive than others, and as I am looking for a lasting relationship, possibly the future father of my beautiful children and husband, there has to be some attraction there, (how else would we make babies), and good genes of course. I need a spark, something physical, we are all judging each other on face value, I’m getting the link from face to my profile and then loosing them!

Am I too high in the tree? Seriously though, what is it that’s putting them off? Or are they just looking for a quick hook up, a Miss Plastic Fantastic with a fake tan, fake hair, and fake nails?

I dont know! What I do know is, I’m talking to a really nice guy, who lives in a town near me and we are getting on great, I think he’s rather good looking, and he seems to have a good personality so I’m looking forward to seeing where this one goes as well!

Watch this space…


Music & Relationships

Don’t you think how easily we connect music with our emotions? The following song still puts tears in my eyes when I hear it. My ex used to put this song on and sing it to me, at the time, I was so in love, I got tears in my eyes due to being happy, then he made me sad, so I flipped the emotional response, and it made me cry for all the wrong reasons!

There are many songs that have similar effects on me. Take the Mystery Man for example, we listened to The Doors a lot, we are both big fans, so whenever we were in my car, we would have a good old sing along with Jim Morrison. Then he learnt how to play People are Strange on his guitar, and we would sing it together having a little smoke. It was very 60’s I will tell you that much, I turned into a hippy for 2 months and loved every minute of it. Now when I hear it, I just think to myself, ha yeah, too right, “when you’re strange no one remembers your name”.  He will be forgotten soon enough, but I hope I don’t ever lose the feeling that I got when I was a hippy, feeling happy and free, dancing and singing like no one was watching.

Listening to music when you are happy in a relationship, you always tend to like the songs that reflect how you are feeling, then when things change, as they quite often do, you can’t stand listening to that song because it’s all gone wrong. At the moment in my car, I have ditched The Doors Greatest Hits and have turned to good old Skunk Anansie, and I must say, the angry rock guitar solos and Skin’s powerful voice is really hitting the spot! She must have had some really crap relationships to write their amazingly emotionally enriched songs that hit my nail right on the head at the moment.

Happy life = Happy Music

Sad life = Sad Music

Fed up of getting screwed over = Angry Music

 

Skin is amazing, Even though there are many songs that I can listen to, that give me a little feeling of sadness, or joy, I wouldn’t change it for a thing!

There’s a psychology to it, linking emotions to music, and literature and art but I’m not a psychologist, and there is lots of research on the net, so I won’t bore you with it. But really I just wanted to say that i love the fact I can flick on a CD, listen to the words in the song, and then get a kind of reassurance that I’m not the only one to have felt like this, Or to hear a song after years and have it take me back in time to a moment that was amazing.

I don’t think I will be listening to so much of The Doors but I’m ok with that, I am pretty sure I will have another amazing connection with another artist/band soon. If not, then there is always Lana. Enjoy 🙂

 


Your a Nice Girl but…

Nice

Adjective

1. Pleasant; Agreeable; Satisfactory

2. Of a person; Pleasant in manor; Good Natured;  “He was nice.

Synonyms
Fine – Pretty –  Pleasant – Good – Lovely – Kind – Dainty

I hate the word nice. I use it all the time when I cant think of anything better to say.

“Oh that’s Nice” (Not really)

“You look nice” (Again, Nah, Not really) But you just don’t want to say.

Its such a safe word… For me, its one of the most boring words in the English language.

The worst thing to hear, as you may have guessed.. Your a nice girl but….

Your a nice girl but….I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now, if I was, I would snap you up.

Your a nice girl but…. I’m seeing someone

Your a nice girl but…. I just want someone to have fun with

Your a nice girl but….

Your a nice girl but….

I’m tired of hearing this. I recently moved and knew very few people. My housemate threw a house party, so I met a few of her friends, and got talking to a Friend of a Friend. We got on, had a good laugh, and we spent a fair few hours talking, I hardly even noticed when this guy from work that I had a bit of a thing for turned up, I had invited him but didn’t actually think he would come as he had let me down lots before when we planned on doing something. Anyway as the night went on the friend that he came with clearly got bored and just left him. I wasn’t even thinking on a romantic level, so when he asked if he could stay, I said yes, I didn’t mind and he seemed like a pretty cool guy. So he stayed round, nothing romantic went on at all we just carried on talking for a bit and then went to bed. So in the morning, I asked him if he wanted to go for a drink sometime. For me, It was going to be a way of seeing my new area, having someone who knew their way around showing me the sights, and what do I get as a reply…. You guessed it. Your a nice girl but…. I was so shocked I didn’t even know what to say, so I just mumbled embarrassed, Oh, don’t worry about it.  I didn’t even mean it romantically! What was wrong with me?!

It did make me wonder why just by hearing those words, I completely lost myself, I wasn’t even asking him on a date, but I still felt the rejection as if I had been. I think to myself now, Why didn’t I just explain right then? What made me choke? What is it about hearing, Your a nice girl but…. that’s turns me into a pathetic mess? I still don’t know!

Anyway, we added each other on facebook and carried on talking and stuff. One night, it was a bit late, He text me, and he came over, So I got the opportunity to explain face to face that when I asked him to go for a drink with me it was as friends, although this was after he tried kissing me… Go figure. Ha ha! TAKE THAT Your a nice girl but…. what had turned me into a mess a few weeks prior, lost all of its strength,  it went flying out of the window when he tried kissing me. I have often considered asking him why he said what he said, and then the next time tried kissing me… But I thought it best to leave it for now.

I have since saved him many times, from getting locked out and being stranded, to being not be able to go home for various reasons, He’s a great guy and whenever I go to the rescue, he always reinforces what he said on that first night. “Why are you so nice to me? You always help me out” so I have found myself using the term I hate so much, slightly as a little dig but it goes over his head…

Because I’m a NICE GIRL

Yes, I am a nice girl, but id make an even nicer girlfriend. I’m just waiting for the right guy to realise it ha ha!