Tag Archives: Emotions

Sex in the Garden City

Well a lot has been happening since my last post and boy how things have changed.

To summarise, I last left of with Beardy, who in true form turned out to be another Houdini, totally vanished of the face of the earth. No bothered. Went on another date with some other guy which went well but wasn’t feeling it and now for the biggie! KIC turned into my own Mr. Big.  Yeah, I cant quite believe it either. I’m not even too sure how it happened really. One day he just opened up. As you may or may not know I left my party on NYE to go and see him. Well after I left him in the street i didn’t hear from him for a while and got a bit worried as he doesn’t know my town so I messaged the 2 Jamie’s, I got talking to the one he wasn’t with the next day just a few polite responses and idle chit chat. Or so I thought. Turns out the Jamie went back and said something to Big that changed his mind about us.

He wants the full shabang. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks ago and I am yet to give him an answer. After everything that we he has put me through I believe that my reasons for holding out are valid. I mean, Self preservation is my number one priority here. He understands and is being patient but after over a year of on again off again i think he can wait just a little bit longer.

When I told Kate all of this she wasn’t happy at all, I know i gave her permission to slap me but I’m glad she didnt. I was sat in her car when i told her so it would have been one hell of a slap if she did. She’s warming up to the idea now i believe, she said to me the other day, “You’ll be together soon”

I don’t know if we will though, The whole time I have known him he has been trying to get into the MRP which I have supported him through, even though I am not keen on the idea at all. I will continue to support him, and he has made it clear that he still wants to commit to us when he goes in. Well what has he got to loose. Nothing. I’ve done the whole boyfriend in the forces before and I got bombarded with paranoid emails, family members checking up on me and a whole heap of worry that I could have done without whenever he got deployed somewhere. That’s a whole other story though.

Back to Big. I was working valentines day and then had arrangements in Brighton that weekend so I didn’t see him. The following week we went into London for the day. His treat (we’ve always gone dutch before). we went for lunch and also went to the The London Dungeons and also we had a night time ride on the The London Eye, It was the best Valentines day i had ever had.

We have been spending lots of time together lately and he practically is my boyfriend, I mean he drove me to an interview for uni and he waited all day in his car for me to finish. I guess all of this stuff is normal but I’m starting to see that I have never really had this sort of relationship before. We have been through so much and we aren’t even together yet.

Anyway, just thought I’d update you on the big stuff.

A week later

So last Wednesday after college I saw casual, I had had a rather emotional day at work and was not in the best of moods, so I asked to see him, of course he was up for it.

Over the course of the evening I managed to consume two bottles of red and had ordered him to massage my back and feet and then one thing led to another.

For the last few weeks little things that he has said it done had kind of lead me to believe there was more to us than what met the eye, and this experience convinced me of it, two people are not the way we were without there being something between them. I couldn’t stand it anymore so I blew my top and everything I had been thinking/feeling came pouring out along with floods of tears and my own embarrassment.

There I was naked, crying and had serious bed hair going on! I must have been a right state, but the message had been delivered, “if you don’t want all of me, you can’t have any of me”

He then asked “we’ll still be friends though?”


All week I have been struggling to not text him, today was particularly hard and as I was about to crack, he text me. This was at 11 this morning, I’m yet to read the text. Kate has told me to delete it and his number but I’m not ready for that.

I don’t know how this is meant to work, finish it and hope he realises that he does want to be with me, text him back and then after a few months slip right back in to where we were? (This has happened once before and Kate went mad at him, this time it’s 100% my fault, Kate warned me)

Anyway, I’m glad my emotions where reeking havoc last week otherwise I’d still be trapped in the cycle, however, my emotions or hormones are running wild still and I’m missing something other than him…

Time for an ultimatum?

It’s been a while since my last post so I will quickly catch you up with Keeping it casual and I.
Flash back to Flat Pack Furniture Casual and myself went to Ikea and bought some bits. One day a few weeks he had spent the night at mine and in the morning he asked me if I would help him put it together. So we went for breakfast and then I followed him in my car to his. Lots of cars on his drive way. His mums and his dads. Needless to say I was shocked. Bear in mind that in the whole time I have known him I have never met anyone from his life. So I met his parents. Twice now to be precise. On another occasion he was talking to one of his friends and said “Hold on ***** will know” and then proceeded to ask me a question, shock number 2! So his friends also know about me. There you go all caught up.

Ultimatum –

1. A final statement of terms made by one party to another.
2. A statement, especially in diplomatic negotiations, that expresses or implies the threat of serious penalties if the terms are not accepted.
I’m starting to wonder if its about time that I pulled my socks up and moved on from Keeping it casual. After seeing each other for 10 months on and off I think that I am going to have to say it how it is. I cant really fault him though,  from early on he has said that he cant give me what I want and I have continued to plod along thinking “I’m OK with it” when really I am far from OK with it. Part of me wants to be with him, I’m not sure what part of me it is exactly, it could be my competitive side thinking, I’m going to make him want me!! I’m going to win!  Or it could just be my lady parts because I enjoy him! Or another option is that I always want what I cant have!
Lately when we have seen each other it has been what I would call more like quality time together, our work schedules are conflicting somewhat at the moment so when we have been seeing each other it hasn’t just all been about one thing. One day I went around his after work, he washed my car, I made small talk with his Dad and brother and then we went back to mine had some dinner and then went to the cinema. This is not the first time we have been to the cinema but it is the first time this year so that tells you how long ago it was! He has started telling more about himself and things in his past, some of the things I am one of very few people to know, and he has just started to be more open in general.
Last week he stayed over, and we had a really nice evening, my house mate went to bed early and we stayed up watching movies until very early in the morning and then we went to bed. In the morning we where talking as we always do and he comes out with “last night was different” when I asked him what he meant he couldn’t explain himself very well, he was referring to our bedtime activities, not the films. He then went on to say that over the last 10 months since he has been seeing me he is the happiest he has been in a very long time, and how he wishes he could have met me when he was 16. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! I was rather pissed off to say the least and for a change he was spot on with his emotional radar and he picked up on it. Bad joo joo! He then tried to explain himself further but as I was already pissed only one thing could have made me happy again at that time.  So he continued… “I just mean that you make me feel good about myself, I can be myself around you and say what I want and I know that you wont take the piss out of me or judge me”, “If I met you when I was 16 things would be so different now”
I felt like my head was going to explode. It took all of my power not to turn around and scream in his face. I was just laying there with my back turned to him so he couldn’t see my face, I was silent because I was scared of what I might say. He then asked “Are you ok? You’ve gone quiet” my reply ” I’m fine” it was all I could muster but all I could think was If I make you happy then why the fuck don’t you want to be with me, You say since you have been seeing me your the happiest you have been in your life but you still don’t want to commit to me, despite the fact that we are clearly amazing together! No, I didn’t know you when you where 16 but I bloody know you know so make it different!  And last but not least NO I AM NOT FUCKING OK!!!!
I wish now that instead of thinking all of this I had just come out and said it! Then there would be no need for an ultimatum as it would already be over…. Or not.
What a friend of mine did gave me the idea of how to do it. It worked for him and next month he is marrying the girl and they are going to live happily ever after 🙂 They had been friends for years, and they saw each other regularly and he loved her, so it was obviously hard for him to have these feelings towards her and have her not admit that she felt the same so, he refused to see her for months until she realised that she did love and miss him and in turn want to be with him. Whenever I see them together it makes me happy to see two people so in love. I’m hoping that I have the balls to do what my friend did. It can only end one of two ways, but in all honestly I don’t see myself walking down the happily ever after route just yet, not with casual anyway.
To be or not to be? That my friends is the question.

Girl Date!

Had a much needed Girl Date today. I’ve missed my bestie since I have been away and we had a lot to catch up on! Since I last saw her (And she disappeared on a night out) I had a date my second date with Something New,the guy from POF who I will now refer to as Oxford, My Holiday – No Romances to mention, and then a much needed after holiday meeting with Keeping it Casual and then the Sunday Night massage and kiss with Frenchie/Frenchie2.

So anyway we went out on girlie adventure, and I don’t mean a shopping trip, Anyway, It was an hour and half drive so we had plenty of time to sing along to 80’s cheese and catch up.

So as we are girls, we discussed the usual… Boys, Dating Sites, Work/Gossip, Blink 182 members and Men’s willies.

I was telling her about the antics from the Sunday Night massage. I didn’t mention it before but I think its rather funny and its relevant to what I’m saying, Don’t judge me. So I was having my massage, and Frenchie got a bit excited. As you may know, I’m not planning on putting out just yet, and I had informed him of this, anyway, He slapped my bum with his penis, Yes, with his penis in frustration. When I told her this, she exclaimed “Why do you get all the big ones?!” Hahaha! Made me laugh so much.

Really I just wanted to dedicate a blog to all the girls that we go on Girl Dates with. Even though this is a blog about dating, and looking for “The One” Our best friends are there for us when these things start, during and when they end. She had summed up the The Mystery Man within seconds of meeting him. She has given me brilliant advice with Keeping it Casual, and helps me to keep my head on when it comes to him, and to be honest, I just love laughing with her about these stupid boys that wouldn’t even know a diamond if they held it in their hand. I know she will read this because she loves me, haha! But just to let you know I love you too babe.

whoever reads this, male or female, and you are looking for a relationship, I just want to say don’t ever forget your friends. Like I said, they are always there. Without my friends supporting me I have no idea where I would be now, I have had some nightmares in the past, and my friends have got me through, But today was a much needed laugh, unfortunately, we mainly laughed at boys.

Mixed Messages!

I really don’t get guys sometimes! Before I went away a guy text me asking me if I would like to do something with him, Namely, I think he wanted to come over and get some, and this isn’t keeping it casual. However, I had already made plans and didn’t plan on changing them, He was texting me from 11am until 8pm when he finally got the message and stopped. Here’s a laugh, here are some of the texts I got from him…

“What you Doing Tonight?” – i didn’t reply,

“U dont like **** anymore?” – I repiled “Haha of course. I have plans tonight,”

“:(” – I didnt reply again

“what u doin?” – to which I replied “Seeing a friend” which translates to going on a date.

“Should we meet later?” – me – Probably not a good idea, it will be late

“That dont matter”

“Come ooooooon” – me – Why?

“I wanna see you, make some lovin ;)” – Me hahaha

“Well” —– No reply


Anyway, since I have put photos up from my holiday, he has been liking them and I saw he was online so I messaged him. We had a little chat about my holiday and I asked if he wanted to come over this weekend. I have work this weekend and I told him this so i wasnt thinking anything kinky and I get this as a reply…

“Not sure if I can
Prob not a good idea is it
We friends
I don’t wanna be out of order
Has something happened or something”
Me – its not out of order but ok
Him –

It is out of order of me to come round if we are friends
Had somethin happened?
Is everythin ok?
Why u ignorin me now?
Are u ok?
Why speak to me then ignore me
Is everything ok? This is a bit odd, I’m not trying to be a dick I just don’t wanna be unfair, would be better to actually have a chat

I mean seriously what is that? If we are friends why would it be out of order for him to come round? So maybe today I am not in the best of moods, and possibly snapped a bit but I don’t think I was being unfair…

im not ignoring you.

I think thats its out of order for you to just message me asking to come over, and then when I invite you over you say its not fair. Im a big girl, and i cant really say that we are friends, you come over when you are pissed and locked out. That’s not friends.

Him –

Well I’m really sorry now I feel like in out of order
I thought you were inviting me over on a date or somethin
Look I’m a dick I don’t mean to be
Just an idiot when drunk as well
Me – no, I would not invite you round my house for a “date” we have already had that conversation.
Is it me or is he clearly taking the pee and I’m letting him by going to the rescue when he’s stuck. He even text me at 5.30 one morning asking me to go and collect him from Somewhere and he’d give me £50 this is the same guy from Your a Nice Girl BUT…. I think this would explain it but why was he texing me in the morning, asking to meet that night, he clearly wasn’t drunk and I have asked him this but he told me he had to go to sleep, and me seething away as I was I thought of asking this after he has gone to sleep so I am still awaiting his response. Lets see how he wriggles out of this one!
Rant Over Thanks for Listening!