Category Archives: real life

That’s the thing with dating sites…

Me and Beardy have been “dating” for 3 weeks now, it seems like much longer to me but it’s not, it’s just 3 weeks, and a great 3 weeks they have been.

Since that fateful first 24 hours I have thrown away all my caviar on plenty of fish. I’m still getting tons of notifications from ‘meet me’ and inboxed mail but I haven’t even looked to reply, to be honest I’m not interested. I do find myself wondering though, does he still check his mail? Is he talking to or worse seeing other people? I don’t want to get in the same position I was in with the mystery man, putting all my effort in to only have him vanish from the face of the earth! For all I know he’s back in Italy now! (The mystery man I mean)

I mean, I know Beardy likes me, I can tell by the way he looks at me, and the fact that he tells me. I just can’t help thinking it!

Does this always happen? How do you know if they are as interested as you are? I love the feeling you get when you meet that guy that just makes you want to be near them but I hate dating, it makes me feel insecure.

He’s bloody fit and a great guy.

I guess it’s a chance you have to take, I’m just scared of falling flat on my face!

P.S KIC is still trying his luck, he certainly had changed his tune, it’s like an invasion of the mysterons!


The Dating Rule Book?

I have been out on a few dates with M now, and even on our very first date he mentioned dating rules…

There are “rules” for everything these days, from how to survive a Zombie Apocalypse, The Skinny Girl Rules to Rules for online dating. I haven’t dated in the typical sense before, I usually have 3 dates and then either fall madly in love or become so terribly bored that I just delete the guy from existence. So, I am not sure of what normal dating is classed as. As I said, ever since Date 1 with M he has mentioned “dating rules”, and how he doesn’t understand them, or What is classed as breaking the rules? It has played on my mind ever since, and seeing as the other day he asked if I even liked him I am certain that I am not clued up on these dating rules, so it has made me think even more on what these dating rules might be, also if there are rules then does that mean that there is also a dating timeline?? If there is then I am screwed!

I’ve set about researching these so called “Dating Rules” and I have even come across a book, “The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” – WOW This book really is something, below are the first 20 rules… FYI The parts in Italics, are my comments to said rules.

  1. Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”    – What the hell does this mean? Be yourself?
  2. Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance) – These days your not likely to get anywhere with this one, especially if your searching online like me
  3. Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much – If I think someone is attractive I cant help but stare, people naturally look at the most attractive thing in the room
  4. Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date- So pay for the whole thing or let him pay..
  5. Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls – most of my communication is done by text, M is terrible at texting back though so may have to call him instead from now on
  6. Always End Phone Calls First – Right so hang up half way through the conversation, got it
  7. Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday – What if I’m bored?
  8. Fill Up Your Time before the Date – Yeah usually takes me ages to get ready anyway
  9. How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3 – I need to read these chapters I think
  10. How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time – Why is she talking about commitment after date 5? Is this the dating timeline?
  11. Always End the Date First – Duh Its got to end at some point.
  12. Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day – My birthday is in September, that’s a long way off yet and certainly over 5 dates, so dump him because he got me a TV instead of a trip to Milian?
  13. Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week – That’s easy, I’m a busy girl you know!
  14. No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date – Sorted, but when is it OK to kiss?
  15. Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy – Wouldn’t dream of it (cough cough)
  16. Don’t Tell Him What to Do – Go against every fibre in my being? I’ll give it a shot
  17. Let Him Take the Lead – Got to love a man who is in charge
  18. Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him – Duh, stating the obvious there deary
  19. Don’t Open Up Too Fast – Why bother to open up at all? Or does she mean your legs?
  20. Be Honest but Mysterious – Don’t open up to fast, but be honest, and mysterious? What if he asks me something personal? wiggle my arms in front of his face and say “OOOO It’s a mystery” I’m sure he’d think that I was a right nutter and leg it!

I mean these are some of the rules according to one lady, Who is on husband number 2 I might add. To be honest, I don’t think much to them.

Me and M are getting ready for date 5 now, So there must be something in it otherwise why would we bother. Looking at those rules though, I’m already thinking, “Well broken some of those already”, To start with rule number 3 – broken! It was our first date, we sat opposite each other and my mother taught me to “Look people in the eye when they are talking to you!” also naturally there was a bit of Q&A going on so we both were talking. We didn’t kiss until date 3, but then on date 4 he questioned if I like him or not, so am I to think when we met on date 4 that I should have gone straight in for a pash kiss? I probably would have ended up tonguing his dog!

Taking all into consideration, I have decided to come up with my own dating rule’s!

Rule No1. Be YOURSELF

Rule No2. Be HONEST about yourself. If your lazy but would like to do more then say, “I’d like to be more active”

Rule No3. SMILE. There is nothing better than seeing a great smile, and it makes your eyes sparkle too, very attractive.

Rule No4. Be CONSIDERATE. Don’t expect him to pay for everything. Although M has pretty much paid every time we have gone out, I have always offered, with the intention of actually paying, Don’t just pretend to want to pay. Or if you meet in car parks like we do, take it in turns to drive. I know sounds dodgy but I don’t know him well enough yet to tell him where live. Oh rule 5!

Rule No5. Be SAFE! Don’t take silly chances telling people where you live! He/She could be a psycho!

Rule No6. COMMUNICATE. This is where I am rubbish. I’m not great at showing my emotions all the time, clearly.

Rule No7. KISS when it feels right, why stop yourself from doing something if it feels like the right time to you.

Rule No8. SEX, again, when it feels right for you but best bet is to wait a few weeks just to make sure that your right for one another, Trust yourself and trust the other person, Too many times have I jumped in head first, only to end up cracking my head on the bottom of the shallow end of the pool! It may feel great at the start, but if its all passion its going to fizzle out eventually. Take time getting to know each other, and each others bodies, its more fun. When me and M were having a little cuddle albeit awkward cuddle while he was driving the other night, it felt nice feeling his hand cup my shoulder, or stroke my neck. Build up is GOOOOOD!

So far I have 8, but I think they are a good 8, and dating is hard enough as it is without having to remember all of these rules. I dare not even think about a dating timeline yet. Although I am considering inviting M around mine this weekend so I can see him before Christmas as I am working, and not sure when it will next happen, Going to show him some lovey dovey me is he does come round. Any tips on being affectionate would be greatly appreciated by the way.

Lets see how these rules work out then.  Ah stuff it, that’s Rule 5 of hers broken, I have just invited him for dinner! Haven’t heard from him today so I have initiated it but still, what’s the worst that can happen?!


Time for an ultimatum?

It’s been a while since my last post so I will quickly catch you up with Keeping it casual and I.
Flash back to Flat Pack Furniture Casual and myself went to Ikea and bought some bits. One day a few weeks he had spent the night at mine and in the morning he asked me if I would help him put it together. So we went for breakfast and then I followed him in my car to his. Lots of cars on his drive way. His mums and his dads. Needless to say I was shocked. Bear in mind that in the whole time I have known him I have never met anyone from his life. So I met his parents. Twice now to be precise. On another occasion he was talking to one of his friends and said “Hold on ***** will know” and then proceeded to ask me a question, shock number 2! So his friends also know about me. There you go all caught up.

Ultimatum –

1. A final statement of terms made by one party to another.
2. A statement, especially in diplomatic negotiations, that expresses or implies the threat of serious penalties if the terms are not accepted.
I’m starting to wonder if its about time that I pulled my socks up and moved on from Keeping it casual. After seeing each other for 10 months on and off I think that I am going to have to say it how it is. I cant really fault him though,  from early on he has said that he cant give me what I want and I have continued to plod along thinking “I’m OK with it” when really I am far from OK with it. Part of me wants to be with him, I’m not sure what part of me it is exactly, it could be my competitive side thinking, I’m going to make him want me!! I’m going to win!  Or it could just be my lady parts because I enjoy him! Or another option is that I always want what I cant have!
Lately when we have seen each other it has been what I would call more like quality time together, our work schedules are conflicting somewhat at the moment so when we have been seeing each other it hasn’t just all been about one thing. One day I went around his after work, he washed my car, I made small talk with his Dad and brother and then we went back to mine had some dinner and then went to the cinema. This is not the first time we have been to the cinema but it is the first time this year so that tells you how long ago it was! He has started telling more about himself and things in his past, some of the things I am one of very few people to know, and he has just started to be more open in general.
Last week he stayed over, and we had a really nice evening, my house mate went to bed early and we stayed up watching movies until very early in the morning and then we went to bed. In the morning we where talking as we always do and he comes out with “last night was different” when I asked him what he meant he couldn’t explain himself very well, he was referring to our bedtime activities, not the films. He then went on to say that over the last 10 months since he has been seeing me he is the happiest he has been in a very long time, and how he wishes he could have met me when he was 16. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! I was rather pissed off to say the least and for a change he was spot on with his emotional radar and he picked up on it. Bad joo joo! He then tried to explain himself further but as I was already pissed only one thing could have made me happy again at that time.  So he continued… “I just mean that you make me feel good about myself, I can be myself around you and say what I want and I know that you wont take the piss out of me or judge me”, “If I met you when I was 16 things would be so different now”
…….
I felt like my head was going to explode. It took all of my power not to turn around and scream in his face. I was just laying there with my back turned to him so he couldn’t see my face, I was silent because I was scared of what I might say. He then asked “Are you ok? You’ve gone quiet” my reply ” I’m fine” it was all I could muster but all I could think was If I make you happy then why the fuck don’t you want to be with me, You say since you have been seeing me your the happiest you have been in your life but you still don’t want to commit to me, despite the fact that we are clearly amazing together! No, I didn’t know you when you where 16 but I bloody know you know so make it different!  And last but not least NO I AM NOT FUCKING OK!!!!
I wish now that instead of thinking all of this I had just come out and said it! Then there would be no need for an ultimatum as it would already be over…. Or not.
What a friend of mine did gave me the idea of how to do it. It worked for him and next month he is marrying the girl and they are going to live happily ever after 🙂 They had been friends for years, and they saw each other regularly and he loved her, so it was obviously hard for him to have these feelings towards her and have her not admit that she felt the same so, he refused to see her for months until she realised that she did love and miss him and in turn want to be with him. Whenever I see them together it makes me happy to see two people so in love. I’m hoping that I have the balls to do what my friend did. It can only end one of two ways, but in all honestly I don’t see myself walking down the happily ever after route just yet, not with casual anyway.
To be or not to be? That my friends is the question.


Just too busy

Literally! This is just a quick one to say that I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had a second to relax let alone type anything that would make sense! Although being busy is giving me plenty of blogging gold!

As I speak me and Kate are on our way to a date, my role fluffer-buffer* (I’ll explain this at a later date!)

We are all dolled up and ready to go! Kate is a nervous dater so there’s a hint for you!

News to come:

Standing alone
Why do you only call me when your high?!

And Dancing like no body’s watching!

Come back soon, I promise you won’t be disappointed!

Xoxo


Working Relationships

This blog is called The Diary of a Serial Relationship Seeker so the context of this post should be pretty straight forward…

Do relationships at work, work?

I spend 12.5 hours a day, 14 days a month at work minimum, but sometimes I feel like I spend my whole life there! As you may already know I’ve recently moved to a new area so I spend lots of time socialising with my colleagues as I don’t know many other people around here. It’s hard to keep away.

I’m not looking for a relationship with a colleague, but I know quite a few people who’s relationships started or that met through work. We do tend to pop off down the pub after a particularly hard day, and I’m starting to realise how easy it would be to fall bed or a relationship with someone from work.

I have been at my place of employment for 18 months, and been out on a few dates with two guys that I work with, one had far too many grey hairs, and the other, well, have you read Keeping it Casual? That’s him. Only 2 of my best friends and my housemate and her boyfriend know about us. So we have managed to keep it under wraps somehow.

My place of work is a complete gossip mill and it is also a bit insestual. My housemate met her boyfriend there, There are secret affairs going on that everyone hears about between people, So and so go caught in the gym sleeping with her from there, that kind of thing!

How does it all work? I am quite a private person, despite being so forthcoming, I do talk a lot, but its my life so I am allowed to, what I cant stand is people talking about me. If I wanted to discuss my business then that is down to me, I am actually shocked that no one has found out about me and casual, I guess I’m trusting the right people at the moment with my secrets! Yay.

Anyway, The only people I have surrounding me are people that I work with. Take Friday for example, I came home from work, at 8.30, got my pj’s on, opened up a bottle of wine and posted Too High In the Tree? around 10pm, I got a call from a guy that I work with inviting me out, he eventually talked me into it, and came and picked me up. What was supposed to be a few drinks turned into multiple gins, shots, bud’s and god knows what else, and only getting an hours sleep before going back to work!

I ended up walking back with his housemate (who also works where we do.) Other people where already back at there’s by the time we got back, they had driven passed us in a taxi, Thanks for that! and I don’t actually remember drinking any more but me and his housemate went to his room and remained there until we both had to get up for work. He’s a cuddler! Haha! We had a good night, and I really enjoyed myself, it was worth only getting 1 hour of sleep, I just hope people at work don’t find out.

Over the last few day’s I have heard nothing about myself, so, so far so good. It was what it was and I wont rule out that it wont happen again. Sociable lot at my place. But just having a drunken night of fun is different to a relationship. I would say it seems safer to have a drunken fumble with someone you work with over a random as at least you know you will see them again, and you know who they are, but at the same time it still has its own dangers. Everyone finds out about it, It was a really bad experience and not worth the embarrassment , or worse, they think of it differently than what you do or they start acting like a complete tool and start blowing you off, even though before you had got on really well.

Why does having sex change everything most of the time?

Over the sad years of my love life, crying my eyes out because he hasn’t called yet, or because he disappeared (See The Mystery Man) I have recently developed the ability to get over things rather quickly, or even better, see things for what they are/will be. A very lovely girl that I know and work with, and would call one of my best friends has had trouble in her love life just like me. Unfortunately she hasn’t developed my ability yet, She also claims to be a pessimist (she clearly isn’t) Anyway, she called me her anchor today and it mad me realise, when did my emotions become so stable?

Why is it that I am able to give advice to people yet struggle most of the time with my own emotions. Well maybe that’s because your heart has a mind of its own and basically screams SCREW YOU!!! Brain and logic I’m doing it my way! Then when it all goes wrong it goes crawling back with a, please don’t say I told you so look on it’s face!

I figure that life is to short to worry about where you find love, I think my options at the moment are limited. Dating online or dating at work. I think more girlie nights out are needed to broaden my options… Roll in the weekend!! 🙂


Too high in the tree?

So I know I have only been on my dating site of choice for a short while, I’m talking to a few guys, with dates in planning, and 2 re-schedules, but how much activity should you be getting?

I’m not blowing my own trumpet but I’m far from ugly, I’m not the prettiest girl out there, or all fake looking, but some of the guys that I am attracting make me think, “Really?” either they are trying their luck and punching above their weight, or I am not as pretty as I thought. I am a nice girl, I have interests and hobbies, I work hard, I’m educated and I enjoy art and culture.

Here is a snippet from my profile…

“I like to travel to different places, from getting the train to London to see an exhibition or going off exploring the countryside on my bike or walking around English heritage sites. I also like the usual, going out with my friends, pubs, clubs and dining, or saying in relaxing, watching films, having marathon film days with with snacks, Going on random car journeys to the coast, exploring weird places… Lots of things really!”

I also write about the books and types of music that I like. How much is too much information? Do guys actually want to know this? Am I putting them off with an overload of information? Is it intimidating?

I’m honest in my profile, and I say what I am looking for, but going back to my post The Online Dating Rulebook? Should I be holding back on some things that I have included? On my profile I have the following… Is it to much?

“I like to think that I’m a fun and active person, but I wont lie, I’m not perky all the time. I love my friends and family, I’m settling into a new area, and I am happy in my day to day life, I’m not looking for a relationship that will become my life, I want one that will enhance it. I’m independent and I am a friendly and caring girl. If you want to know more, and get to know me better and think you could enhance my life then message me.”

I have a variety of photos on my profile, and I have to admit, they are some good ones of me looking fabulous, but aren’t everyone’s in this situation.

I get plenty of messages from all sorts of guys, a mixture of “AVERAGE” looking guys and of what I think are your typical looking HOT guys looking at my profile,The guys I would say are “Average” message me and some of them are really great, but the HOT guys just have a look and then that’s as far as it goes. I have messaged a few of the hot guys and had no reply, so they liked what they saw, but  then something I said has put them off?

Or is it like this? I read something on one guys profile, he said that girls are like apples… I cant remember the exact words but it was something like this..

“Girls are like apples, The best ones are at the top of the tree and hard to reach, so the guys who pick them are scared to climb too high to get them in case they fall and end up getting hurt, so they go for the apples lower down, the rotten apples.” Is this the case do you think? I quite often see a great guy with a girl that I wouldn’t naturally put them with, and yeah I get a bit bitchy or the other way around, and I’m like Seriously, I’m nicer than her right?

Where am I going wrong? Its not all about looks, I know that, I’ve had a few experiences with guys that at the time I considered them to be, handsome, beautiful or amazing, but they have turned into frogs quite quickly killing my confidence. But seriously, I have a nice body, a nice face, and a great personality, I don’t want some over weight, middle aged, balding man messaging me, expecting me to take him seriously.

I don’t have a type and I wouldn’t rule anything out but obviously there are people that I find more attractive than others, and as I am looking for a lasting relationship, possibly the future father of my beautiful children and husband, there has to be some attraction there, (how else would we make babies), and good genes of course. I need a spark, something physical, we are all judging each other on face value, I’m getting the link from face to my profile and then loosing them!

Am I too high in the tree? Seriously though, what is it that’s putting them off? Or are they just looking for a quick hook up, a Miss Plastic Fantastic with a fake tan, fake hair, and fake nails?

I dont know! What I do know is, I’m talking to a really nice guy, who lives in a town near me and we are getting on great, I think he’s rather good looking, and he seems to have a good personality so I’m looking forward to seeing where this one goes as well!

Watch this space…


Music & Relationships

Don’t you think how easily we connect music with our emotions? The following song still puts tears in my eyes when I hear it. My ex used to put this song on and sing it to me, at the time, I was so in love, I got tears in my eyes due to being happy, then he made me sad, so I flipped the emotional response, and it made me cry for all the wrong reasons!

There are many songs that have similar effects on me. Take the Mystery Man for example, we listened to The Doors a lot, we are both big fans, so whenever we were in my car, we would have a good old sing along with Jim Morrison. Then he learnt how to play People are Strange on his guitar, and we would sing it together having a little smoke. It was very 60’s I will tell you that much, I turned into a hippy for 2 months and loved every minute of it. Now when I hear it, I just think to myself, ha yeah, too right, “when you’re strange no one remembers your name”.  He will be forgotten soon enough, but I hope I don’t ever lose the feeling that I got when I was a hippy, feeling happy and free, dancing and singing like no one was watching.

Listening to music when you are happy in a relationship, you always tend to like the songs that reflect how you are feeling, then when things change, as they quite often do, you can’t stand listening to that song because it’s all gone wrong. At the moment in my car, I have ditched The Doors Greatest Hits and have turned to good old Skunk Anansie, and I must say, the angry rock guitar solos and Skin’s powerful voice is really hitting the spot! She must have had some really crap relationships to write their amazingly emotionally enriched songs that hit my nail right on the head at the moment.

Happy life = Happy Music

Sad life = Sad Music

Fed up of getting screwed over = Angry Music

 

Skin is amazing, Even though there are many songs that I can listen to, that give me a little feeling of sadness, or joy, I wouldn’t change it for a thing!

There’s a psychology to it, linking emotions to music, and literature and art but I’m not a psychologist, and there is lots of research on the net, so I won’t bore you with it. But really I just wanted to say that i love the fact I can flick on a CD, listen to the words in the song, and then get a kind of reassurance that I’m not the only one to have felt like this, Or to hear a song after years and have it take me back in time to a moment that was amazing.

I don’t think I will be listening to so much of The Doors but I’m ok with that, I am pretty sure I will have another amazing connection with another artist/band soon. If not, then there is always Lana. Enjoy 🙂