Category Archives: reflection

Sex in the Garden City

Well a lot has been happening since my last post and boy how things have changed.

To summarise, I last left of with Beardy, who in true form turned out to be another Houdini, totally vanished of the face of the earth. No bothered. Went on another date with some other guy which went well but wasn’t feeling it and now for the biggie! KIC turned into my own Mr. Big.  Yeah, I cant quite believe it either. I’m not even too sure how it happened really. One day he just opened up. As you may or may not know I left my party on NYE to go and see him. Well after I left him in the street i didn’t hear from him for a while and got a bit worried as he doesn’t know my town so I messaged the 2 Jamie’s, I got talking to the one he wasn’t with the next day just a few polite responses and idle chit chat. Or so I thought. Turns out the Jamie went back and said something to Big that changed his mind about us.

He wants the full shabang. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks ago and I am yet to give him an answer. After everything that we he has put me through I believe that my reasons for holding out are valid. I mean, Self preservation is my number one priority here. He understands and is being patient but after over a year of on again off again i think he can wait just a little bit longer.

When I told Kate all of this she wasn’t happy at all, I know i gave her permission to slap me but I’m glad she didnt. I was sat in her car when i told her so it would have been one hell of a slap if she did. She’s warming up to the idea now i believe, she said to me the other day, “You’ll be together soon”

I don’t know if we will though, The whole time I have known him he has been trying to get into the MRP which I have supported him through, even though I am not keen on the idea at all. I will continue to support him, and he has made it clear that he still wants to commit to us when he goes in. Well what has he got to loose. Nothing. I’ve done the whole boyfriend in the forces before and I got bombarded with paranoid emails, family members checking up on me and a whole heap of worry that I could have done without whenever he got deployed somewhere. That’s a whole other story though.

Back to Big. I was working valentines day and then had arrangements in Brighton that weekend so I didn’t see him. The following week we went into London for the day. His treat (we’ve always gone dutch before). we went for lunch and also went to the The London Dungeons and also we had a night time ride on the The London Eye, It was the best Valentines day i had ever had.

We have been spending lots of time together lately and he practically is my boyfriend, I mean he drove me to an interview for uni and he waited all day in his car for me to finish. I guess all of this stuff is normal but I’m starting to see that I have never really had this sort of relationship before. We have been through so much and we aren’t even together yet.

Anyway, just thought I’d update you on the big stuff.

That’s the thing with dating sites…

Me and Beardy have been “dating” for 3 weeks now, it seems like much longer to me but it’s not, it’s just 3 weeks, and a great 3 weeks they have been.

Since that fateful first 24 hours I have thrown away all my caviar on plenty of fish. I’m still getting tons of notifications from ‘meet me’ and inboxed mail but I haven’t even looked to reply, to be honest I’m not interested. I do find myself wondering though, does he still check his mail? Is he talking to or worse seeing other people? I don’t want to get in the same position I was in with the mystery man, putting all my effort in to only have him vanish from the face of the earth! For all I know he’s back in Italy now! (The mystery man I mean)

I mean, I know Beardy likes me, I can tell by the way he looks at me, and the fact that he tells me. I just can’t help thinking it!

Does this always happen? How do you know if they are as interested as you are? I love the feeling you get when you meet that guy that just makes you want to be near them but I hate dating, it makes me feel insecure.

He’s bloody fit and a great guy.

I guess it’s a chance you have to take, I’m just scared of falling flat on my face!

P.S KIC is still trying his luck, he certainly had changed his tune, it’s like an invasion of the mysterons!

Green eyes and Beard Love

In my last blog I posted a chat up line that I used on green eyes…. “So green eyes are we going out?” Well guess what, it worked and we went out Wednesday evening after I finished my evening class.

He suggested the place and we met just near to it as I had no idea where it was. It was a nice little bar and we got pretty comfy in a little corner away from everyone it was brilliant! We had been talking for a few weeks but my replies where sporadic to say the least.

We talked and talked and before we knew it matey at the bar came over to inform us that the bar was closing! Devastating news! Nah not really, I suggested having a drink at mine! It came from no where but I was sure that I wasn’t ready for the date to end! We stayed up until 6am talking, comparing playlists and drinking a rather nice bottle of Hendricks. It was surprising how much we had in common!

After 3 hours of sleep and a few hours in bed having a cuddle I got up and made us some breakfast/lunch. And them we spent the day together. I dropped him off for the 9.20 train. I have to admit it, I was a bit sad he had to go but our first date had lasted a whole 24 hours!

He came over again on Saturday, I finished work and picked him up from the train station, he brought wine with him, and a nice wine too! I was very happy! Yet again we stayed up talking until the wee hours of the morning!

I’m very hopeful with this one! Very very hopeful.

I spoke with my sister for the first time since Christmas and told her all about him. She reminded to be careful because of how I felt with the mystery man and I’m not forgetting how I felt with him but at the sane time I think Beardy is worth it, or at least I hope he will be.

I’ve been trying to utilise positive thinking to my advantage and now Beardy walks into my life. Good karma? Yes please!

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With a New Year comes a New Contender

So I’m starting to realise that the sparks aren’t flying with me and M. I first met him when things ended with KIC and I was looking for someone to replace him or just to keep me busy so I wouldn’t sit there agonising over texting him!

I was a date whore, 7 dates in 7 days was the challenge I set myself and I almost did it. Two months later M is the only one other than L who is left on the scene but he’s my ex so that doesn’t count.

The last time I saw M was just before Christmas, he came over, we watched a film and then I fell asleep on him, I really miss that part of being in a relationship, it’s so nice instead of relying on two hot water bottles and strategically placed pillows to keep you warm in the night! I only dozed off so it wasn’t that bad, however when I woke up we had a little kiss and he put the moves on me, I wasn’t up for it, and I don’t think I am. I mean I enjoy the dating part with him, and the conversation, and he seems like a great guy and he has these lovely blue sparkly eyes, but there is no spark!!

I do wonder if I’m not over KIC, after new year and everything, he’s really ruffled my feathers, however, there is a new guy. I’m rather looking forward to going out on a date with him, he seems really cool, pretty down to earth and he has an amazing beard! Just like my type of guy! A few of my friends have always said with past guys, i’d never put you together, well I wonder what they will think of him?! He’s FIT! also initial M! There’s a new M in town! and he wears a beard rather well! 🙂

The Dating Rule Book?

I have been out on a few dates with M now, and even on our very first date he mentioned dating rules…

There are “rules” for everything these days, from how to survive a Zombie Apocalypse, The Skinny Girl Rules to Rules for online dating. I haven’t dated in the typical sense before, I usually have 3 dates and then either fall madly in love or become so terribly bored that I just delete the guy from existence. So, I am not sure of what normal dating is classed as. As I said, ever since Date 1 with M he has mentioned “dating rules”, and how he doesn’t understand them, or What is classed as breaking the rules? It has played on my mind ever since, and seeing as the other day he asked if I even liked him I am certain that I am not clued up on these dating rules, so it has made me think even more on what these dating rules might be, also if there are rules then does that mean that there is also a dating timeline?? If there is then I am screwed!

I’ve set about researching these so called “Dating Rules” and I have even come across a book, “The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” – WOW This book really is something, below are the first 20 rules… FYI The parts in Italics, are my comments to said rules.

  1. Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”    – What the hell does this mean? Be yourself?
  2. Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance) – These days your not likely to get anywhere with this one, especially if your searching online like me
  3. Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much – If I think someone is attractive I cant help but stare, people naturally look at the most attractive thing in the room
  4. Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date- So pay for the whole thing or let him pay..
  5. Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls – most of my communication is done by text, M is terrible at texting back though so may have to call him instead from now on
  6. Always End Phone Calls First – Right so hang up half way through the conversation, got it
  7. Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday – What if I’m bored?
  8. Fill Up Your Time before the Date – Yeah usually takes me ages to get ready anyway
  9. How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3 – I need to read these chapters I think
  10. How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time – Why is she talking about commitment after date 5? Is this the dating timeline?
  11. Always End the Date First – Duh Its got to end at some point.
  12. Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day – My birthday is in September, that’s a long way off yet and certainly over 5 dates, so dump him because he got me a TV instead of a trip to Milian?
  13. Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week – That’s easy, I’m a busy girl you know!
  14. No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date – Sorted, but when is it OK to kiss?
  15. Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy – Wouldn’t dream of it (cough cough)
  16. Don’t Tell Him What to Do – Go against every fibre in my being? I’ll give it a shot
  17. Let Him Take the Lead – Got to love a man who is in charge
  18. Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him – Duh, stating the obvious there deary
  19. Don’t Open Up Too Fast – Why bother to open up at all? Or does she mean your legs?
  20. Be Honest but Mysterious – Don’t open up to fast, but be honest, and mysterious? What if he asks me something personal? wiggle my arms in front of his face and say “OOOO It’s a mystery” I’m sure he’d think that I was a right nutter and leg it!

I mean these are some of the rules according to one lady, Who is on husband number 2 I might add. To be honest, I don’t think much to them.

Me and M are getting ready for date 5 now, So there must be something in it otherwise why would we bother. Looking at those rules though, I’m already thinking, “Well broken some of those already”, To start with rule number 3 – broken! It was our first date, we sat opposite each other and my mother taught me to “Look people in the eye when they are talking to you!” also naturally there was a bit of Q&A going on so we both were talking. We didn’t kiss until date 3, but then on date 4 he questioned if I like him or not, so am I to think when we met on date 4 that I should have gone straight in for a pash kiss? I probably would have ended up tonguing his dog!

Taking all into consideration, I have decided to come up with my own dating rule’s!


Rule No2. Be HONEST about yourself. If your lazy but would like to do more then say, “I’d like to be more active”

Rule No3. SMILE. There is nothing better than seeing a great smile, and it makes your eyes sparkle too, very attractive.

Rule No4. Be CONSIDERATE. Don’t expect him to pay for everything. Although M has pretty much paid every time we have gone out, I have always offered, with the intention of actually paying, Don’t just pretend to want to pay. Or if you meet in car parks like we do, take it in turns to drive. I know sounds dodgy but I don’t know him well enough yet to tell him where live. Oh rule 5!

Rule No5. Be SAFE! Don’t take silly chances telling people where you live! He/She could be a psycho!

Rule No6. COMMUNICATE. This is where I am rubbish. I’m not great at showing my emotions all the time, clearly.

Rule No7. KISS when it feels right, why stop yourself from doing something if it feels like the right time to you.

Rule No8. SEX, again, when it feels right for you but best bet is to wait a few weeks just to make sure that your right for one another, Trust yourself and trust the other person, Too many times have I jumped in head first, only to end up cracking my head on the bottom of the shallow end of the pool! It may feel great at the start, but if its all passion its going to fizzle out eventually. Take time getting to know each other, and each others bodies, its more fun. When me and M were having a little cuddle albeit awkward cuddle while he was driving the other night, it felt nice feeling his hand cup my shoulder, or stroke my neck. Build up is GOOOOOD!

So far I have 8, but I think they are a good 8, and dating is hard enough as it is without having to remember all of these rules. I dare not even think about a dating timeline yet. Although I am considering inviting M around mine this weekend so I can see him before Christmas as I am working, and not sure when it will next happen, Going to show him some lovey dovey me is he does come round. Any tips on being affectionate would be greatly appreciated by the way.

Lets see how these rules work out then.  Ah stuff it, that’s Rule 5 of hers broken, I have just invited him for dinner! Haven’t heard from him today so I have initiated it but still, what’s the worst that can happen?!

A week later

So last Wednesday after college I saw casual, I had had a rather emotional day at work and was not in the best of moods, so I asked to see him, of course he was up for it.

Over the course of the evening I managed to consume two bottles of red and had ordered him to massage my back and feet and then one thing led to another.

For the last few weeks little things that he has said it done had kind of lead me to believe there was more to us than what met the eye, and this experience convinced me of it, two people are not the way we were without there being something between them. I couldn’t stand it anymore so I blew my top and everything I had been thinking/feeling came pouring out along with floods of tears and my own embarrassment.

There I was naked, crying and had serious bed hair going on! I must have been a right state, but the message had been delivered, “if you don’t want all of me, you can’t have any of me”

He then asked “we’ll still be friends though?”


All week I have been struggling to not text him, today was particularly hard and as I was about to crack, he text me. This was at 11 this morning, I’m yet to read the text. Kate has told me to delete it and his number but I’m not ready for that.

I don’t know how this is meant to work, finish it and hope he realises that he does want to be with me, text him back and then after a few months slip right back in to where we were? (This has happened once before and Kate went mad at him, this time it’s 100% my fault, Kate warned me)

Anyway, I’m glad my emotions where reeking havoc last week otherwise I’d still be trapped in the cycle, however, my emotions or hormones are running wild still and I’m missing something other than him…

Time for an ultimatum?

It’s been a while since my last post so I will quickly catch you up with Keeping it casual and I.
Flash back to Flat Pack Furniture Casual and myself went to Ikea and bought some bits. One day a few weeks he had spent the night at mine and in the morning he asked me if I would help him put it together. So we went for breakfast and then I followed him in my car to his. Lots of cars on his drive way. His mums and his dads. Needless to say I was shocked. Bear in mind that in the whole time I have known him I have never met anyone from his life. So I met his parents. Twice now to be precise. On another occasion he was talking to one of his friends and said “Hold on ***** will know” and then proceeded to ask me a question, shock number 2! So his friends also know about me. There you go all caught up.

Ultimatum –

1. A final statement of terms made by one party to another.
2. A statement, especially in diplomatic negotiations, that expresses or implies the threat of serious penalties if the terms are not accepted.
I’m starting to wonder if its about time that I pulled my socks up and moved on from Keeping it casual. After seeing each other for 10 months on and off I think that I am going to have to say it how it is. I cant really fault him though,  from early on he has said that he cant give me what I want and I have continued to plod along thinking “I’m OK with it” when really I am far from OK with it. Part of me wants to be with him, I’m not sure what part of me it is exactly, it could be my competitive side thinking, I’m going to make him want me!! I’m going to win!  Or it could just be my lady parts because I enjoy him! Or another option is that I always want what I cant have!
Lately when we have seen each other it has been what I would call more like quality time together, our work schedules are conflicting somewhat at the moment so when we have been seeing each other it hasn’t just all been about one thing. One day I went around his after work, he washed my car, I made small talk with his Dad and brother and then we went back to mine had some dinner and then went to the cinema. This is not the first time we have been to the cinema but it is the first time this year so that tells you how long ago it was! He has started telling more about himself and things in his past, some of the things I am one of very few people to know, and he has just started to be more open in general.
Last week he stayed over, and we had a really nice evening, my house mate went to bed early and we stayed up watching movies until very early in the morning and then we went to bed. In the morning we where talking as we always do and he comes out with “last night was different” when I asked him what he meant he couldn’t explain himself very well, he was referring to our bedtime activities, not the films. He then went on to say that over the last 10 months since he has been seeing me he is the happiest he has been in a very long time, and how he wishes he could have met me when he was 16. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! I was rather pissed off to say the least and for a change he was spot on with his emotional radar and he picked up on it. Bad joo joo! He then tried to explain himself further but as I was already pissed only one thing could have made me happy again at that time.  So he continued… “I just mean that you make me feel good about myself, I can be myself around you and say what I want and I know that you wont take the piss out of me or judge me”, “If I met you when I was 16 things would be so different now”
I felt like my head was going to explode. It took all of my power not to turn around and scream in his face. I was just laying there with my back turned to him so he couldn’t see my face, I was silent because I was scared of what I might say. He then asked “Are you ok? You’ve gone quiet” my reply ” I’m fine” it was all I could muster but all I could think was If I make you happy then why the fuck don’t you want to be with me, You say since you have been seeing me your the happiest you have been in your life but you still don’t want to commit to me, despite the fact that we are clearly amazing together! No, I didn’t know you when you where 16 but I bloody know you know so make it different!  And last but not least NO I AM NOT FUCKING OK!!!!
I wish now that instead of thinking all of this I had just come out and said it! Then there would be no need for an ultimatum as it would already be over…. Or not.
What a friend of mine did gave me the idea of how to do it. It worked for him and next month he is marrying the girl and they are going to live happily ever after 🙂 They had been friends for years, and they saw each other regularly and he loved her, so it was obviously hard for him to have these feelings towards her and have her not admit that she felt the same so, he refused to see her for months until she realised that she did love and miss him and in turn want to be with him. Whenever I see them together it makes me happy to see two people so in love. I’m hoping that I have the balls to do what my friend did. It can only end one of two ways, but in all honestly I don’t see myself walking down the happily ever after route just yet, not with casual anyway.
To be or not to be? That my friends is the question.